emily

if it didn't started, it wouldn't have end and no one would be hurt.

I wouldn't be doing so many things that were wrong, hurt so many people who were innocent.

who am I to blame anyone or anything. I made the decision myself, and I guess that's why I have to bear the consequences now.

very vexed and been having many sleepless nights. Thailand getaway come quick I need to take my mind off all these things...

But what can I do?

This blog is getting boring without pictures...

Tried out something on photoshop and succeeded! Even though it wasn't perfect yet but heck, who cares!

Photoshop is FUN!

I still have one more but the lighting had some problem when i took it so can't post it up, boohoo ):

Been wanting to blog quite a few days back, but i didn't know how to start.

I didn't know what to write about.

I didn't quite know why i was so unhappy.

I didn't tell you what i really felt deep down inside me.

The truth is, I really do miss the days we used to have in February.

How we used to talk about anything and everything under the sun, how we treasured each and every moment we spent with each other cause the time we had was very limited.

No matter how tired both of us were, we would make sure we put in our greatest effort to stay awake just to spent that extra second with one another.

But i realized we're never gonna go back to that time. No matter what I do, how hard I try, it's not working..

Everyday we have lesser and lesser things to talk about.

We already have very little common topics, but now it seems like we have even lesser things to talk about.

I know I've told you this many times, and you said it was impossible. You told me no one can ever go back to the times they had before.

You told me I've changed. I wasn't like the girl you used to know. Then who am I now? Can you please tell me?

I cry so much more these days. Why?

And landed like this!

Nah i am joking, i didn't lie that nicely. lol

But SIMILAR okay, just that my hands were not there to support my head.

And imagine falling down in the kitchen, half naked.....

Lucky the kitchen lights were not on, no one saw (i presume TEEHEE!)

So my toe hurts!

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Anyway,

Went Singapore Flyer yesterday!

Notice the price of the ticket on the top is $0.00. Because we used the MacDonald 1-for-1 instant win!

Dearie insisted that $0.00 one is his, so that it would seem like he paid my tickets, LOL.

The lightning conductor! The rain started shortly after we entered the cabin.

Can't really see clearly but it was slightly chao da, so the cabin i was in got struck before! Scary!

Dearie was trying to take a paranomal view of the cabin with his Iphone app.

Singapore Flyer cabin is a nice place to camwhore!

But in the midst of cam-whoring, i realised i've been neglecting something...

I just left it there as if it's my house with all the other passengers in the cabin.
Lucky they quite honest! Never steal my things :)

This is the view from the top of Singapore Flyer.

Notice the green patch of field? Let's zoom in and take a closer look.

There's actually people playing soccer!

Wait, is that soccer? Why are the people forming a circle?

Maybe it's a new formation created by Young Lions?

Raindrops!

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Can't figure out what was he trying to say?

Let me offer some help.

TEEHEE!

And i can't help but think that David Guetta and Rihanna were inspired by this picture, too!

Every night before i crawl into bed, it will tell me to sleep! so loyal right!

Where to find such a loyal fan! WHERE!!

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Anyway, went to catch this today!

amazing movie(hair!)

If only Ascience shampoo can give me such strong hair. Was telling dearie i should wear green contact lenses and bleach my hair. He said no ):

Before the show, we had some time to waste cause we reached Marina Square early.

Went to check out the ami no san machines at the arcade, still crowded despite it is a weekday during working hours! Didn't go and play it because we both thought it is a really expensive game. lol

So we head over to Singapore Flyer area.

Why can't i just have that little attention from you?

Why do i always need to do things just to get a little of your attention?

Why?

Even though there was a week of holiday, i felt i have done nothing constructive.

I haven't touched my books/notes at all.

Okay maybe i did.. but nothing went in. It's like i have practically absorbed nothing. ZERO

Been coughing so much i can feel my stomach muscles growing stronger.

Travelling around was also tiring, especially when you're not exactly feeling well yet you need to endure the giddiness brought by train and bus rides.

Went down to Woodlands to collect my SGC on Thursday. The side gates were locked, so had to walk practically round the whole school to get to the front gate. Lucky i wasn't sick that time, yet.

From Bishan to Woodlands, then to Aljunied. Took me more than 2.5 hours?

Went down to Boon Lay to do my hair, from Bishan to Woodlands, took around an hour plus.

As it will be a long journey from Boon Lay to Aljunied, i decided to take to Joo Koon then i will be able to get seats.

Took me again, an hour plus.

I think if i add up all my travelling time, it could be years. And i can do so much more with that amount of time.

And maybe i should spend the time typing this post on something else.

you said you will not contact her anymore.

you told me right in front of my face.

gave me the assurance again and again.

but what happened?

not only didn't you keep your promise, you even did more things to make me lose my trust in you.

i can't help but think, do my words even mean anything to you?

or you just treat them like a breeze?

why is it that you promised me you won't do it, but still did it at the end of the day. why?

then why did you promise me in the first place?

why?

why don't you just say "hey i can't do this."

you told me her mum needed help.

fine.

will i stop you if you told me her mum needed help?

but was it necessary to do what you did?

to tell her to count on you when she is sad?

tell her you didn't hold her hand for a long time?

tell her its OKAY to play with fire?

wtf?!

i still remember what you told me on the very first day.

you told me you want me, and only me.

the things you said when we sat on the beach.

the things you said when we were at the rooftop of Esplanade.

the way you pat my head and tell me everything will be okay.

and after 7 months now, everything seems diluted.

you no longer find me fun like before.

maybe you find me boring?

and hence maybe thats why you turn to other girls?

so maybe its my fault.

maybe i wasn't gentle enough.

maybe i wasn't demure enough.

maybe i wasn't smart enough.

maybe i wasn't pretty enough.

maybe i wasn't cute enough.

maybe i wasn't slim enough.

maybe i wasn't funny enough.

what you did really hurt me, and i am sure you know that.

it made me realize i shouldn't trust people so easily, even people who are close to me.

all i want to say, i've already said just now. you asked me if i regretted what i did that time in Feb?

you decide the answer.

kinda drained,

kinda sick,

kinda hurt.

and maybe that's how i will grow up.